Something ends

And so it ends. I have decided to step away from S.O so I am able to think, reassess and re-evaluate the relationship. There really was no point in being miserable...together. I am not sure where my path will lead, or whether we will still have a joint path. There are so many questions, so many emotions and its feels like I am being swept away. I wish I could go numb.

It's time to party like its... MMX*

A decade ago (or almost a decade ago, depending where you're coming from) I completed my last year of high school. It is difficult to grasp the concept of time passing at such a rate!

Do I feel the need to vent, reflect, cry out of joy and sadness? You can betcha your last Rand, or Dollar or Pound...

I certainly see a different person in the mirror compared to 2000. Most of my dreams - I have accomplished. The Plan involved strategically working towards them and suddenly, there I was living the dream, having the best of times life can offer.

Finding the S.O has never been part of The Plan. Then Life, with its bitchy mood swings, sees fit to throw a curve ball. And so The Plan looks very different to what I had always pictured. I certainly think S.O is in my life for a reason, but I cannot understand anything as yet.

And now it is all about survival, with a smile.

Hope MMX is as wonderful as wonderful can get for each and every one of you!

*MMX (roman numerals) = 2010

I know this post has been, erm, vague, but I fear the torrent of tears, while at my work desk, if details are mentioned.

When the world turns on it's head

This holiday season, if you want peace and quiet:

1. Go to work

2. Avoid shopping malls

3. Stay-cations* in big cities

4. If you do not have kids, treat them as if they are the bubonic plague

And then sigh serenely...

Blessed be every single one of you!

*staying at home, not going on a holiday but not at work.

On Post Secret

I found this on Post Secret today. So, besides a few quirky friends and erm, bloggers, there are other people like me out there. I feel less of a loner somehow. *big sheepish grin*

Damsel in much distress

Yesterday, as usual, I rushed to my car after work. I put the key in the ignition and...nothing. I tried a couple of times but to no avail. I then realised I had left the headlights on for the entire day! MERDE! And DAMN! And every other profanity that will put a trucker to shame! Naturally the battery died. I needed it to be jump started so I called The Sister Person and the Brother-in-law Person because they stay up the road.

By the time they reached my office park, they could not get into the parking lot because there was so MUCH traffic to get out and all the lanes were blocked. Eventually I got 2 security guards to assist me and out of nowhere, these 4 construction guys started to help them. I was mortified and absolutely embarrassed, turning every shade of red and pink known to man, and a few new shades I am sure! They also tried to push start the car, but it did not work. The battery was deader than dead. I think it was already putrefying. One of the security guards then escorted The Sister Person's car against the traffic so the cables could be attached to their battery so mine could charge. It took half an hour to do that then another 45 minutes to GET OUT OF THE PARKING LOT. I eventually stayed at The Sister Person's place, being too tired to drive home.

I hope to find those who helped me and perhaps buy them something to show my gratitude.

I know this tale of misadventure made lots of people laugh yesterday, so maybe you can find a few chuckles too. At my expense, of course.

Oi... *another few new shades on pink and red on my cheeks*

Nostalgicating

M2 is here from London for a visit. We were housemates there. We had a great time of shopping, chatting, eating, having ice cream, sitting in parks, museums and so on. Being together again reminded us both of what a great time we had in our house and how lucky we were to have housemates that were more like family. In a text message received today, she said: "I feel like in the old days when we lived together in peace and harmony. :)" Yes, me too. And it left me both yearning and rejuvenated.

I loved this quote!

"It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English - up to fifty words used in correct context - no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese." - Carl Sagan

Anyone up to learn a new language?! I know I am...

How I missed it

The best part of this unbearable heat? The fierce summer thunderstorms! I missed how the parched earth is so refreshed after the heavens burst. I missed the lightening leaving me in awe. I missed the melody of the water rushing out of the gutter next to my bedroom window. It has got to be thee best lullaby.

Rewired into reality

Today was my first day back at work. It seems strange to have a 'grown up' job in South Africa. Before London, I freelanced from home. And before that there was an extended intern ship at a national newspaper. And prior to that were odd part time student jobs.

So, the next chapter begins... and I feel elated.

*smiles*

Old school charm

The Organ Harvester recently ran the Pen, Paper and Post Project. It simply involved bloggers writing actual letters to each other and posting them off.

Due to the civil servant strike, there were a few hiccups. But then again, with the South African Postal Service, there are always hiccups. And as for the theft, well, that is an entire different bitchin' session. Triple sigh...

So I finally received a letter from O.H himself. He saw fit to attach a Ms in front of my name on the envelope, and a Mr in front of his name on the return address - very old school and dare I say, charming.

Despite his gripes about his handwriting, I understood every word, without straining my eyes. And that says a lot, especially since I have been inflicted with an eye infection for the past month. I love that he wrote in cursive, which I also find to be old school charm too. The paper he used was of high quality, A4, ivory with a gold shimmer. I thought it was just gorgeous.

When I had pen-pals, long before the arrival of email, I used to love the thrill of getting letters every week. And I loved the anticipation of finding something in the post I was looking forward to again. Nonetheless, it was a challenging experience to write to someone I've only known through cyberspace.

He also mentioned in his letter it is awkward to find an ending, without sounding abrupt. But I loved the sincerity of his well wishes. And because I had had a very bad week, it brought on a case of slight sniffles.

So thanks O.H, for this. And maybe, hopefully, there will be further letters to look forward to.

Insomnia - the unwanted guest

For the past three hours I have been trying to sleep. My assistants were called in after a while and both Sleeping Pill1 and Sleeping Pill2 have failed me. I imagine sitting opposite them in a boardroom and saying: "You're fired!"

Hmphhhh...

Im melting, I'm melting

The Skank and I had a bit of document signing to do today. I also had some other errands to run in the busy business area, Sandton. I'd say we spent most of our time in the car. I hated the roads because of the construction. I hated the impatient drivers. I hated the clutch control cramp I got (and am still suffering from five hours later!). Let me not mention the traffic! And dammit, don't ever drive with 30 degree Celsius heat in a car where the air con is not working! I think we perspired litres of sweat. (Over share, I know, but I don't really care) And, chocolate is not making me feel better at all! What is this world coming to?

Two days

Duck feeding. Time with the girls. Breakfast in the sun. A few arguments and heart felt truths spilled out. Drinking cocktails out of jars.

Could all of this have something in common? Why, yes, of course! The S.O. and I did all of this past weekend.

Saturday: A good friend from London was down south for a brief visit. We met him for breakfast at a quaint restaurant at 44 Stanley. I've always loved this place and it was amazing to go there again. We ate outdoors with a witty waiter providing entertainment. Both Skanky and Slutty are back from their Euro trips so we spent the afternoon together. We could not stop talking! The S.O. picked me up at night and I remained a fly on the wall as he and the boys had beers. Inbetween all of this, S.O. and I were trying to sort out a few issues. It seems all the challenges we overcame before I left seems to have resurfaced. And of course there are new challenges as well because we had a long distance relationship for a year.

Sunday: S.O. wanted to talk so he picked me up in the morning. So we talked again...both being brutal with our honesty. It was a warm, pleasant day so by the afternoon I anxious to be outdoors. I wanted to go to the Zoo Lake to feed the ducks. Because the weather was so glorious, the place was packed with picnic goers. Thereafter we decided to have sun downers and eventually found our way to a wonderful place called Mammas Shebeen*. I had something called a Sophiatown Sunset and it was served in jar. :) I instantly fell in love with everything - the decor, the atmosphere, the hippy crowd. A live band completed the perfect picture.

* originally an illicit bar where alcohol was sold without a licence. Further reading can be found here

Bring me a tiara...and a prince

Deep down in the bowels of their heart, most girls wanted to be a princess at one stage in their lives - when they still had pig tails and ate lollipops. Besides wanting to be a princess, most girls had their favourite princess too. I got to say my absolute star is Ariel from the The Little Mermaid. Ahem...look at the recent change in my profile pic. She is adventurous and daring, and goes against the norm. She has a brave heart. Therefore I am quite surprised my results from the Which Disney Princess Are You Test I got the following:

It's a tie!

	You are part Belle. You are strong, deep, and you are not a slave to petty superficial things. You are independent and allow yourself to see inner beauty without sacrificing your values. You are almost too good of a person.
	You are part Pocahontas. You defy convention and sometimes do what is considered taboo. Unfortunately, others do not always appreciate your differences, so it's good that you are so strong-willed. You are loyal and you believe in fate. Your true love will find you one day.

I'm ready

Found on Postsecret

A sweet tooth that refuses to be satisfied

I am currently dog sitting at the Female Sibling Unit's house. Feeling peckish for something sweet, I baked a cake*. It was eaten in 24 hours, no kidding! I'm not sure whether I should be proud or ashamed.

*vegan friendly :)

But it is supposed to be!...

Banana baby goo

Mash sent me a link to a most interesting concept - one ingredient ice cream! Impossible - yeah I thought that too. Apparently, bananas are that one ingredient. Impossible - yeah I thought that too.

Once a banana has been peeled, sliced, frozen and then either popped into a blender or food processor, it makes for a creamy ice cream treat. Whoo Hoo, I thought! So I tried it...and yes, it was sorta creamy. But it looked more like baby goo than ice cream. And it tasted like banana baby goo more than ice cream. Maybe I needed those special ice cream spoons or maybe I should have put it into the food processor instead of the blender. Hmm...I am not altogether sure. But I will try again...another adventure of the kitchen sorts.

Soundless words

listening to silence

more and more and more

shatters ear drums.

And the remains 

wilted, withered, wrinkled, awry

wrong

To do list

Time and thoughts can be one's enemies. They seems to fester off each other when you have an abundance. Since returning to South Africa and subsequently starting my life again (and job hunting) there are times I am exceptionally bored. It is extremely restrictive to be without a car and life feels quite caged in. So there, that is it at the moment...

...but wait, I decided to turn this around. Many people would love to have time on their hands. So part of me knows I am lucky. Though, I've done most of what I wanted to do since coming back, I am going to think deeper about things I always wanted to do but never had time to.

I am also going to formulate a list of possible articles I could write for a job that will come up.

And since cooking soothes my nerves, I will spend more time in the kitchen! Yes, cooking does calm me. Even though there are not many people available to eat what I prepare, maybe I can merely give the food away as well.

I've always wanted to get back into an exercise routine. I managed to tally up my at-home-equipment and I have quite a variety. So, I am going to try to make myself physically strong. My petite frame tends to leave me unable to open many a jar.

Maybe I could even try to learn something new - like tai chi. I went for one disastrous class in London and came away with a book. Better to embarrass myself with me as my only audience.

The Male Parental Unit occasionally allows me to make use of his wheels, so I think I should take full advantage when I do get the opportunity. And no, that does not meet clocking an insane speed limit next to the boundaries on the N1 highway.

And I think I began these changes on a fabulous note today - I made pancakes for breakfast.

Born too soon

The Parental Units love to see me cringe - they are always telling me when I was conceived. *cringe*blech!* Anyway that fateful day was the 5th February, while they visited India. The doctor estimated I would be born on the 31st October. How wonderful it would have been to have a Halloween birthday! But no, I was impatient and decided to say hello to the world today, 27 years ago.

Days such as today always make me take stock of my life. And recently I realised maybe it is patience I need to learn. The word alone makes me scowl mentally. I realised I've sorely lacked it because I always liked to get things done. And starting over again in South Africa takes time. Lots and lots of it. So along with learning patience (cringe), I want to think up new life goals so I can work towards something, anything...else I will drift around aimlessly like a burnt orange autumn leaf.

AWOL

Has my muse taken a leave of absence, leaving me barren, lost and idle? If anyone sees her, at whatever bar or club, please please let me know. My concern multiplies by the hour.

Wonderfully sarcastic

I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me.
- Chris Rapier

It's a kind of magic

When cheeks are dry from salt due to tears being shed much too frequent, a damn fine soak in a bubble bath is utmost priority. In the bowels of my toiletry draw I find...fairy dust*. It is the perfect addition for a magical makeover. Just half an hour, and my bones feel new, my skin aglow and the mental mugginess a bit more clear.

*very good bath salts, acting as this precious dust so rarely found in this day and age. C'mon, aren't you a believer?

Falling in love (again) is (still) hard on the knees

To all those who feel the urge to hurl at romance, a word of warning, do not read any further.

<3

As S.O. and I approach our eight year landmark tomorrow, I feel quite reflective at the moment. Thinking back on our year apart, I know we both have grown in different ways. Sure, we had the long distance thing going on, but it is easier since we are now both in the same country. It feels as if I am getting to know him again. And that means falling in love yet again. It makes me feel rather light headed and light footed at times. You know, giddy and giggly and all those horribly girly attributes.

Sure we had our awkward moments when I just returned from London. And yes, we will have more awkward moments and further challenges. But more than ever before, I feel there is hope. And I have faith...in both of us as individuals and in the relationship.

To my S.O. thank you for the past eight years! Our life together has been light and laughter and love...except when you make me angry enough to throw you out of a window of a 10 storey building. ;)

Last week...

I. Had. Breakfast. At. Tiffany's.

Pic: taken by Prixie at Madame Tussauds, London.

FYI: The breakfast was in South Africa. The Sister Person treated me.

A big bowl of blech

Italy versus Brazil in the Confederations Cup, Johannesburg, South Africa. Of course I went. Of course out of the eight people I went with, I was the lone Azzurri supporter...a solitary island of blue in a sea of green and yellow.It will always be the boys in blue for me. no questions asked. I think S.O and I made an interesting pair supporting opposing teams. Nevertheless I have to grudgingly admit they had the upper hand in the end with a 3-0 vistory. Even though the atmosphere at the stadium was filled with excitment, camaradie and jest, I felt drenched in disappointment at Italy's loss. I, for one, would like to think they were distracted by my presence. Sigh, a girl can dream....

*Kudos to the organisors and the friendly, helpful workers at the park and ride, the shuttle service and the stadium. I was gladly surprised by their effiency and friendliness.*

Return of the Prixie (sounds like a bad sequel)

Everything remained the same. The eyes I am seeing through is different though. Therefore I remain highly disoriented and confused. Sort of a permanent state of having just stepped off a roller coaster - woozy head, nausea and the world seeming up-side-down and inside-out.

Tomorrow...

Hippy Dippy Trail

If I could be a street sign...'cos normal people wish to be street signs at some point in their lives

Mallorca, Spain

Thrilling and tickling delights

Berate me - I know full well I have been neglectful, selfish and childishly indulgent for trying to forget to, erm, think...for trying to not face up to the inevitable. Things do not last forever and likewise my time in London draws to close. Sooner rather than later I will be back in SA. But at least I will once again have one of my vitals at my side: the S.O.

So perhaps Belgium was just what I needed: a soothing chocolate balm. A smell so sweet hovers over the country you want to eat the air and get the sides of your mouth sticky with oxygen. Perhaps I should move there because chocolate shops are like hundreds and thousands on a cupcakes (you know, those wee colourful sweetie thingies that decorate biscuits and/or cakes). Sense and speech took a fancy flight as I mumbled incoherently. I am sure there were a few pitiful stares that said: "Shame, the loon is out of the loony bin for a day visit."

And I still cannot decide whether the chocolate or the men* are yummier attraction of that country. Phew, tough decisions...

*A girl can look, even if there is an S.O whom she loves with all her heart...just a F.Y.I to you S.O fans. 

Great company for a midnight prowl

It is a Thursday night, 23.32, and oh whats that? My stomach makes a low growling sound. I feel like a bottomless pit lately because no amount of food seems to be enough. So I saunter down the stairs as quietly as possible for a bowl of cereal. I switch on the radio and R.E.M's Everyone Hurts is getting some airplay. I roll my eyes to the heavens and beyond. Okay Universe I know you're there! When you are feeling outta sorts, as I am lately, that song makes me want to jump over the bridge or pull the trigger. Whatever the method, that song will drive me to do it. Don't get me wrong, I think R.E.M are great and the song has meaning. But not when you are blue, suffering from both insomnia and exhaustion while eating cereal close to midnight.  

Winter...

'Tis the season of lost hats on floors instead of keeping heads warm, single gloves floating sadly in puddles of water, forlorn umbrellas hanging off the hand rails in trains and scarves longing to be around their owners' necks once again rather than blowing aimlessly in the wind. 

OCD lady seeks ghostly mystery man

He is in there: the Opera Garnier in Paris.

Picture: Prixie 

It was just me and Paris for the weekend. Nope, not Hilton,rather the city. Just me and her and endless discoveries...walking the streets, feeling my toes go cold in sleet, using the Metro and trying to find edible vegetarian food. 

And the glorious cherry on the top of this trip is the Opera Garnier. Obviously not as well known as the Louvre, nor the Eiffel Tower or even Notre Dame but it is thee place that made my heart give small sharp excited beats, like electric shocks in tiny doses. 

You must be wondering why? Of course I will forgive you for pondering that question. I mean it is not that well known that the Phantom of the Opera is based on a French novel written in the early 20th century. It is also not that well known that the book was written by an investigative reporter Gaston Leroux. And it is also not that well known that the book was also inspired by folklore at the time of a mysterious figure that lived on the lake underneath the Opera House. And all of this is based on events that took place at the Opera Garnier. Because there is water underneath the building.

"It's so the humidity does not effect the building, " said the guide.

"The Phantom of the Opera is based on this story. A French journalist wrote it in the early 1900s. But of course it is not true."

While I politely nodded as she spoke, I guffawed her in my mind. Silly guide, what does she know anyway?

So I went to find him - the Phantom. And perhaps I did find him. Maybe we shared a passionate lip locking moment. Or he could have just told me his life story. Or it could have all been imagined. But then again, nothing at all could have happened, just an innocent tour of one of the attractions in Paris. 

Home

Anyone who has read my previous post would know what an agonising January it has been. Nevertheless decisions have been made. In a few months time I will be in SA again. Not because I cannot cope without S.O, but simply because I do not want to be without him. And London may even be in our future. You just never know what lies in store.

And then I seen the above pic on post secret this week. Ta da! Thank you Universe!

A whirlwind visit

S.O came to London. He went back home. It seems he has taken my heart back with him. Our first "Goodbye, see you later" in April 2008 was hard. The second one in January 2009 was absolute torture.

I love London so and I am willing to stay. Nevertheless things seem a bit lack lustre since he packed his bags (and my heart) and headed back home. To see the magnitude of love in his eyes made me drown in enraptured joy. And it is that love that can make me re-assess what I always wanted out of life.

Granted, I am emotional at the moment but I need to make a decision. London or S.O?

Skanky, in her infinite moments of wisdom, asked:
so what can u afford to lose? what are you able to live without?

Crunch time.

Oh and besides all my ranting, may you all have a blessed 2009. May it be more than everything you want it to be.