Thursday, 26 January 2012

If I could shut my brain down for a bit, I would

Recently, I've been irritable, listless and needing some down time. Work wise, I have not really taken decent leave since April 2011 and you know what? I think I have reached the end of my tolerance threshold.

December was a crazy, and I mean an absolutely insane month, having taken on some responsibilities of a colleague who had resigned, plus having had new tasks added to that. Burnt-out and frustrated, that is what I am. I am also so annoyed by how companies everywhere are treating employees in this current economic climate - it is really not fair! It makes me want to punch many CEOs!

I have been fantasising about taking leave from my life, even if it is for a short while. Venture off to an adventure where I am anonymous and not accountable. Dangerous, I know. But what is a gal to do? S.O* and I are hoping to set a date for a wedding in March next year - the families will meet this Sunday to discuss it. Yeah, that is how my little ethnic community operates. Sigh. We want to get a house and make it into a home. I want to begin our life, under our roof and I cannot wait for that. Yet, me and marriage go together like wearing a bikini in a snow storm. I feel I am going against my very nature. (If you need to remember just how much I am against marriage, read this post.)

My dreams have also been vivid and downright odd. I've been waking up long before my alarm, recalling them perfectly, only to fall asleep and have the dreams fall through my memory. That makes me sad. I remember one dream could have been a great fictional story and now I cannot bloody remember it. I wish I could kick myself at times.

I have also been reading a lot less that what I usually do. This is not because I have a low supply of books. No, it is because I am too tired in the evenings! When I do read, I manage a few pages, before I realise I am not concentrating and the book is falling out of my hands. Another reason to kick myself!

This post perfectly reflects my state of mind: scattered, unfocused and downright grumpy.If you managed to read it till the end, a huge congratulations to you. Thanks for lending an eye to my venting session.

*S.O = Significant Other

3 comments:

po said...

You sound like you need a break, and fast! I feel the same way, but I have not been working hard like you. I never realised you were getting married, exciting!

Azra said...

You speak my language. I can't even begin to describe how much I loath SA culture when it comes to work. Just today I was telling a colleague of mine how I wish I jumped off that ship and stayed on the island and she told me that she just decided that tomorrow is her last day (and she's been there the longest) and that she can't continue like that anymore. I really feel like following suit... but I have some commitments to see to first. *sigh* So I know exactly how you feel. We both need a break yeah

Prixie said...

Po: I guess weddings can be exciting, I may end up killing family though. ;p oh, and I am taking leave in Feb, but only for 3 days. :-/

Azra: That is how my colleague resigned - I think she had had enough of this place. I hate having these commitments (financial) too. It makes me feel bound, constrained and very trapped.